


a little braver | lee felix

by breakfreefromthevoicesinmyhead



Category: Day6 (Band), GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU, Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Child Abuse, DONT WORRY THO, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse, a little braver, based on true sequences from my life, bxb - Freeform, idk what tags to add tbh, it'll be alright
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-07-31 00:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20106484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakfreefromthevoicesinmyhead/pseuds/breakfreefromthevoicesinmyhead
Summary: Daniel, you've changed. Things you do are hurting me.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!  
Mind the tags guys. I don't want anyone getting triggered by the things in this story as if they aren't as much triggering to me. I pray DON'T read this if you can't.  
I once read a story without minding the tags and well there I was having a mental breakdown in front of my mom and brother. I always showed that I was strong but I knew the voices are louder and that day I let them take control. And I've let them take control again and again.  
I just want y'all to be safe so please..
> 
> And I don't know if I would be even able to finish this story but I hope I can.  
I won't post many chapters at first I would keep writing them though whenever I have time. But sad thing I usually have a writer's block like ALL THE TIME. It's maybe because I'm too upset to function most of the time.  
It you guys have any problems and don't wanna bottle things up, you can message me...
> 
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/MellyKelly11 (tbh i don't use it much but still once in a week i do)  
Instagram : stepoutofvoices (currently on an instagram ban thanks to my aunt but i still go there sneakily) (thank gods no one knows i have instagram on my laptop)
> 
> ALSO go show some love to my first oneshot : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18988843
> 
> tbh not my first oneshot because i once wrote a few het oneshots on wattpad duh but its still my first one on ao3
> 
> also i really love this Blackpink member x member fic on wattpad called Friends Can Break Your Heart Too, y'all should check it if you like blackpink and even if you dont its still a great story so plz do read it
> 
> Thank you!  
Take care, lovelies!

**Felix's P.O.V.**

I don't know.

I don't know how I'm going to face him.

Daniel had been my friend for two years now, and I've never felt so alone before the past few months. Yeah, time does fly by quite fast. But I never knew people could change even faster.

_Daniel, you've changed. Things you do are hurting me. I never thought I would have to say these things but you're clearly ignoring me. It's been months that I stopped eating with you.... and you still don't care. I can't last with you like this, I'm sorry. But you're just mean, so mean. Please, I don't wanna get hurt anymore. Forget all the promises, forget all the fights, forget me... Wait, you already have, right? You have them now so I can leave, I can be free. Talk to me if you still care...._

Even though I know you won't.

This was all I had to say to Daniel, and I did. It took me all that I had to not to break down sobbing. Things I've been bottling up since forever came out rushing, and at that moment I didn't care if my words were harsh or if I sounded broken but all I knew was that I had finally let it all out.

Everything was frustrating me. Yes, when a group of friends gets bigger and bigger it gets hard to pay attention to everyone.... But is it even friendship that you forget that the first one who ever mattered even exists? In my dictionary, it doesn't fit. It never does.

And.... even though this hurts, I have to leave soon. Half the academic session has gone by and after this I have to leave. I'm gonna have a fresh start in a brand new country. It would be hard - not knowing the language and the culture. But right now, the scholarship is what matters.

And my family... well, no one ever cared. Sure, they think they do. My parents give me food, a place to stay, they pay my fees and all but all I need and want and desire is love. Something I never felt my family was even average in giving me.

I know I'm a burden, I always knew. Then why they have to just remind it to me every single moment of my life. "You're wasting my time. You're wasting the damn electricity. We can't go anywhere on trips because of you." UGH. Sometimes those voices are even louder than the voices in my head. Louder than the demons who want me out of here. 

I say please, but my voice goes unheard. I don't have an opinion anymore. All I know is that I'm a puppet of the voices inside and outside my head.

And well, I'm a freak. A total freak. The one everyone can just make fun of. The one who is a crybaby. The one who never had friends and hung out with them. The one whose poetry and songs no one understands and deserve to be burned or thrown into trash. The one who is soulless. The one who wants to die. The one who deserves to die.

I don't know.

I don't know anymore.

I just know that I can start a new life.

No one would know me there. At least that's what I think. No one would make fun of me there, maybe. No more voices will talk to me and make me feel like a burden. 

Bye Australia.

I'll miss you.

Yours, Felix.


	2. a new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> but it was going to be a brand new start.

_*a few months later*_

Things have been going pretty good (that is, if you call having no worry of even having friends let alone having to leave them behind) with Felix.

He passed this year with good grades - he always had them better though. But Felix was not an ordinary child, he should be the top of the class, he should focus only on studying, he shouldn't dance - that's what his parents said. To everyone Felix was the perfect child - great in studies, respectful to elders, he never back-talked to anyone, never got in trouble, he was honest, he was _strong_, he was _happy_, but was he?

You obviously don't need to answer it. Because let me tell you - he wasn't. He wasn't the best kid, the perfect one that everyone perceived him to be. He was _weak_, he got bullied in school, he was a _liar,_ he wasn't _happy_.

But it was going to be a brand new start. He got his name changed from Yongbok to Felix, he dyed his hair purple, he stopped wearing pastels, he just stopped. 

All of this was obviously not easy though. He got a scholarship through a dance competition that he entered and even won, even though his parents didn't like it. But still he persuaded them to let him move to South Korea.

_His mother had said, "Go. But don't come running back to us crying."_

As much as those those words hurt him and killed him endlessly on the inside, _'go'_ was the word that he wanted to hear so desperately.

Finally he could get out of there. Finally he could get away.

It was the day Felix was leaving. He had packed his luggage, and put on a casual black outfit.

His flight was for 3 in the morning and if Felix was being honest, he was scared. Even though he had spent all this time studying and trying to learn Korean, he wasn't even average.

_But he told himself 'I will do my best'._

The ride to the airport was silent except for the radio and the cab driver's occasional humming. The night was dark with clouds covering the stars, the moon, the sky. Soon it started to drizzle outside.

Felix opened the window and let the scent of his home fill his nostrils for the last time, let himself feel the rain.

"Heya!" Felix flinched at that, "Can you close the window? I don't want the cab getting wet." The cab driver said in an amiable manner.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." He said with a shaky voice.

"Don't be sorry, kid. Just don't forget your roots."

"I would never," he said, as he sniffled.

"Don't cry now. There are wipes."

"I'm not crying."

"Come on, kid. We're about to reach the airport soon. And I might not know you, but take care."

"Yeah, I will." 

"Thank you," he added a few moments later.

When he reached the airport, it was still drizzling.

After an hour of waiting he boarded his flight and wandered to the dream land.

This was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual chapters will start now. Though even those chapters won't be long because I'm in highschool and the teachers give us loads of homework and assignments. Also I have my practicals starting from the 26h and term exams from 11th september. hjbgeubjc I hope that I get time to write though.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. the outsider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey! Wake up!" I yelled, throwing him on the floor.
> 
> "UGH! You could've woke me up calmly?"
> 
> "There is no fun in that hehe"
> 
> "Really? Let me show you what fun is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know these chapters are too short but THIS ONE WAS LONGER BUT AO3 JUST ACTUALLY DELETED IT AND I WANT TO FOLLOW A SCHEDULE so i just posted it,,,,, tbh i dont even know what i'm writing cuz life's a goddamn angsty movie!!  
well thank you for reading!!!

Felix dragged his luggage into the dorm's lobby. His dorm room was actually quite big. Well it was a room for two.

He set his luggage in the almirah and dropped on one of the small beds.

"Why do they don't give one room to one person? I'll have to share which means that I won't be able to be myself even in the restriction of the dorm room. I just hope my roommate ain't nosey because that would be too much for me." Felix sighed as he sat up.

The room felt nice, warm and comfortable though. Purple curtains dropped over the windows giving the room a comfortable dim lighting when he turned the lights off. It was relaxing. He again fell on the bed and curled into a foetus position. He could care about the uncomfortable outfit some other time. His body ached due to the 13 hour flight. Soon the jet lag took over him, sending him into a deep slumber.

* * *

Chan's P.O.V.

I opened the door to find an unfamiliar figure sleeping on my bed. I suddenly got alarmed but recalled that I have a new roommate. I sighed.

_ I miss you so much Jackson..._

** _Flashback_ **

_I opened the room to see that brat sleeping on MY bed. _

_"Hey! Wake up!" I yelled, throwing him on the floor._

_"UGH! You could've woke me up calmly?"_

_"There is no fun in that hehe"_

_"Really? Let me show you what fun is."_

_He stood up and pushed me on the bed and started tickling me. "Hey Jackson! S-Stop! It huuuurts!" I screamed while giggling._

_A few minutes later he stopped tickling me but it was so hard to not laugh, especially if we saw each other's faces._

_"I- " And we fell again into a laughing fit._

_Suddenly Jackson stopped laughing and looked at me with a sincere expression and a small smile. I smiled back at him._

_These are the kind of moments I love. We sat there in comfortable silence for a few seconds before Jackson leaned towards me, closing all the gaps between us. _

_The kiss was slow and full of emotions._

_"I love you," he whispered._

_"I love me a lot too," I giggled, "I love you too"_

_The lovey-dovey touches and looks and small kisses that we sneaked didn't go unnoticed by our friends. _

_"Hey love birds" said the ever so cheerful Jae._

_"Hey man! Wassup," Jackson cheered as he gave him a bro hug before I engulfed Jae into a bone crushing hug. _

_"You two look cuter together than I could ever imagine," he said._

_"Yeah, what do I do my boyfriend is crazy cute.."_

_"Yah! Don't be cheesy Jackson."_

** _FLASHBACK ENDS_ **


	4. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont get time? highschool (especially for sophomores and seniors) in india is hell? make so many assignments because they make up 20 percent of our marks? these grades actually matter if you wanna get in your fav uni/college or wanna move out of country for higher education? these grades should be above 90 percent if you wanna get a job in future? also the datesheet has been released? in the midst of violent protests? yes. yes to all of these. studying has been taking a toll on me as always. but the pressure is even more because i'm a sophomore. i haven't been even writing any short poems. my exams just ended on December 20 and we got the new datesheet. these are like the finals now.  
thank you for reading this story and supporting me.  
and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! its 2020. 2019 has ended. and so has another decade. but every end is another start. so lets start this new year and new decade with all the positivity we can manage.
> 
> So this chapter and the next chapter will be Jackson and Chan's story. (i might add one more chapter for this tho)

_ **CHAN AND JACKSON : THEIR STORY** _

_**Chan's P.O.V.** _

It was just a normal day. I left for the café my friend I have been living with worked at but I didn't expect to see someone. I don't know how or why, he just caught my eyes. He just seemed cool, calm, kind and so sweet.

  
I've had a girlfriend before so I didn't think much of it and gave my order for my boba tea. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I liked boys. Maybe it was just him I liked but I just liked boys.

"Hey sis. Get me the usual, okay? I'm getting late," I said. It was my second month as a freshman in high school and it was already taking a toll on me. I sat myself at one of the tables and started scrolling through Instagram. As I was doing so I looked up and suddenly our eyes met. He was looking at me. Then, he just smirked and left the cafe, leaving me flustered. Forget about kind and sweet, he seems like a fucking jock. Ugh.

I got my order and left the cafe. As soon as I stepped out of the cafe, someone bumped into me - or I bumped into someone, who cares - making my iced americano drop. "Oh shit! I'm sorry dude! I'll get you one as an apology." The short heighted dude said, worried.

"Nahh. It's fine. I'm getting late anyway. I need to get to school because the gates must be getting closed soon."

"Oh." The short male chuckled, "You didn't get the message? All classes are cancelled for today."

"You are in my class?" I asked bewildered.

"Yeah, man! I'm the guy everyone admires. Come on! Look at my jawline, I am handsome."

"I don't know about that but you sure are cute."

"UGH! I'm not cute!"

"You are, lmao."

"Wait, did you really say L-M-A-O out loud? Anyway, I'm Changbin. Seo Changbin."

"Oh. Nice to meet you. The name's Bang Chan and my english name is Chris and you can't call me anytime."

"What?!"Changbin said, the tables turned.

"I kinda stay busy all the time. I make music. I mean I try to. Oh! And I'm from Australia." 

"That's really cool! I rap! We can make a duo!"

"We can sure think about that, but I really am no good. Anyway let's get coffee."

"Sure," my new short (and cute) friend said, as we entered the cafe again. 

"Hey! Yerin noona, could you make me an iced americano again? I spilt it." I whined. "And Changbin! What would you like? It's on Yerin noona - she's a great friend." I smirked as noona looked at me with a 'I'm so done with you' face.

"I'll take a Caffe Mocha. Thank you Yerin-ssi." Changbin bowed whilst I searched a table for us.

After a few minutes, we exchanged numbers and went our own ways.

_**Third Person's P.O.V.** _

"Changbin!" A guy of huge built hugged Changbin, crushing him in his arms. "Did you get his name?"

"Yes, Jackson hyung. His name is Bang Chan and his english name is Chris. I'll text you his number and social media." Changbin sighed. The things he does for this hyung.

"Thank you, binnie. So what and why do you want to know about Jinyoung?" Jackson asked.

"I just wanted to know about him because a friend of mine has a crush on him and I'm sick of listening to him whine about him all the time but don't want to see him upset, soooo.... you know."

"Oh, but actually Jinyoung really like this guy. His name is Hyunjin. He actual-" Jackson got interrupted by Changbin screaming, "HYUNJIN? HWANG FUCKING HYUNJIN!!?!!! HE LIKES HYUNJIN. HE LIKES JINNIE THANK GOD." Changbin smiled and hugged Jackson, "Hyung, Hyunjin is my friend who likes Jinyoung hyung."

"Really? Then I think I know what we are gonna do now.." Jackson smirked.

**A Week Or Two Later...**

Chan groaned as his phone rang. It was 4 am for god's sake, who would call him at this hour? He picked up the phone, irritated, without seeing the contact. "Hello?"

"Hi, Chris. It's mom."

"Mom... How are you? I miss you," tears filled his eyes as he talked to his mother.

After a few minutes, his mom said, "Listen, baby. I got you in the school dorms, okay? Don't go to school today and just pack and move into the dorms today. I already messaged Yerin, she'll drop you off when you're done."

"Thanks, mom."

"It's ok. Now sleep. Bye"

"Bye, mum. Love you."

"Love you too."

He ended the call and sat up in his bed. Sleep just wouldn't come to him, and he knew. So he started packing his stuff.

After a few hours, when he was done, he called Yerin.

They went to the office, Chan got his room key and his roommate was a junior in high school, very popular, and handsome, not that it concerned Chan. He just wanted his roommate to respect his privacy and be kind and humble and nice to him.

He moved his bags into his new room and put his stuff in place. As he finished, he felt tired and laid on the bed. The first time in months he was able to fall asleep without crying. And he was glad for that.

He woke up at approximately 6:30 pm to see a guy with blonde hair studying on one of the study table and another guy with strawberry red hair on his phone.

"Um... Hey." Chan said awkwardly as both the guys turned to him.

He ultimately recognised the blonde from earlier at the cafe when their eyes met. The memory brought a rush of blood to his cheeks as he stared at the two males in front of him.

"My... My name's Bang Chan. Nice to meet you."

"You were right, Jackson. He really is cuter when awake and flustered." The guy with red hair said in english, chuckling at Chan's state.

"S-Sorry? What did you just say?" Chan said in english, just in a more flustered state of being.

"Don't scare him, Mark." Jackson said.

"Ok. But I think we are switching to Chinese now." Mark said in Chinese, stretching his limbs and heading out the door.

"Sure." Jackson said, "Nice to meet you too. I'm Jackson. We saw each other at the cafe today. Um... You wanna get some food with me? We have a lot of time before curfew so we can get some ramen from this restaurants nearby. It's Jackson certified!!" He grinned making Chan crack a genuine and comfortable smile.


End file.
